Challenges in Visual and Nonverbal Problem Solving
The art of making simple things difficult and frutrating people
Challenges in Visual and Nonverbal Problem Solving
The art of making simple difficult and frustrating people
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I didn’t do too badly this time. I ordered a light with a cellphone holder from Amazon. I got it put together with an amazing lack of drama. Whenever I had to do anything with my hands or figure out a complex problem it would take forever.
When I’m upset and frustrated things get worse. My dad had no patience at all. I would screw up a task and he would lose his temper and go on a rant.
The problem with that is it made things worse. I shut down and wouldn’t understand anything being said to me. Employers who gave me a chance and worked around my issues were pleased to have an excellent employee.
Most of the time it wouldn’t last. I would get fired. Getting fired so often messed me up when I was young, but as I got older it didn’t bother me so much.
At home with my family, I always had the shit-details. My brothers learned to cook, I did the dishes.
Most of the time I would do it wrong. It hasn’t got any better as I have aged, it’s a lot worse. I frustrated my parents. It angered me that I frustrated and irritated them.
I frustrated my dad the most. We couldn’t do anything together. When I was a kid, helping my dad with yard work was frustrating for both of us.
If he sent me to the shed to get a tool it would take forever for me to find it. Dad would lose patience and head to the shed to see me frustrated looking for the tool sitting in plain sight.
The worst thing to say to me
“ You’re not paying attention, listen to me,” I would listen and do my best. I was eager to please but I couldn’t always do it. What made things worse, was if what I was doing was too much too fast it overloaded my brain.
Getting angry at me made things worse. That’s because, when I’m upset or frustrated my brain freezes up. The logical thing to do was to let me go and for my dad to do the chore alone.
My mind would freeze and whatever I was trying to do would not get done. If whoever was supervising me had no patience it made things worse. My dad was the biggest problem. He knew me better than anyone, but we couldn’t work together without a fight.
Dad knew about the brain freezes, he brought it up all the time, but he didn’t hesitate to lose patience when we tried to work together.
Give me a job, let me ask questions until I understand the task, and then leave me alone
I figured out that I did better working by myself. I solve problems differently than most people. The trick is to give me an assignment, written instructions are best, and answer my questions.
Then go on and do whatever supervisors do and leave me alone. Most of the time I would get the job done in good time and in a way that would please me and my supervisor.
Written instructions that are easy to understand, seem simple enough
I had one site supervisor when I was a security guard who got me. “ If you want Lawson to do something, write it down, and he will do it to the letter.” I need structure and discipline. I also need space to do things in a way that makes sense to me.
If you are around me and want a good laugh. You would get a kick out of watching me try to assemble something or change a tire. It’s freaking hilarious to watch, but it’s humiliating having people laugh at me.
I’m not a handyman, so don’t call me.
I was living with my grandparents in Denver. They encouraged me to join a Federal job training program. I was almost twenty years old at the time. One of the tasks was to disassemble a metal stepladder and reassemble it.
It took all day for me to do it.
“ Visual-spatial skills are borderline to mildly impaired. With Impairment in visual or nonverbal problem-solving. As well as problems with spatial or organization and constructional skills.”
From the Neuropsychological Report.
Almost ten years ago I had a stroke. It’s not surprising that the stroke made things worse. It still takes forever to assemble anything. I know that I can’t do some things, so I pay people to do them for me.
Better to know my limitations and adapt, than to cause a disaster and make a mess
I don’t care what people think, yes, I might be lame because I can’t do things a man should be able to do. I know my limitations. I would rather put out the money and have peace than do it myself and make a mess and piss off my wife. My favorite quote from the Dirty Harry movie comes to mind, “ A man’s got to know his limitations.”
The hardest thing to deal with is feeling useless. I hate letting my wife down. I know that trying too hard and attempting to do what I know I can’t do will cause a disaster, but I can’t always help myself.
A few years ago we bought a stand-up fan. I have assembled fans in the past, but not this time. My wife was irritated and was giving me a hard time as I grew more frustrated.
She grew tired of watching me get beat by the fan, so she said, “Just take it to the dumpster.”
It’s expensive but worth it to get it done right
The only tools we have in the apartment are a few screwdrivers. If we need anything done we pay the Maintenance man to do it on the side when he’s not working, or we hire the guy who cuts my hair.
For me, discovering the extent of these problems helps me make peace with getting evicted. The two and a half years of homelessness were inevitable. I always wondered how I could get so close to where I want to be in life but I never seal the deal.
Not living up to expectations was killing me
I can’t describe the self-loathing. I hated myself for being a failure and a loser. I’m not those things. I’m a man who has problems and limitations. I’m learning to deal with those problems.
I deal with it by laughing at myself. When I was younger I beat myself up. I still do that, but not as often as I did. I accepted the fact that I have limitations.
I also accepted that other people are not going to understand. It’s too bad that my wife can’t figure me out, but I can’t do anything about that. It’s up to her to accept me, or not.
There’s no point in being bitter or angry with anyone. Things happen. I’m not going to lie and say I’m dealing with it rationally or maturely, most of the time I’m not.
I’m doing my best to come to terms with the limitations I have. Writing and creating have done more for me than any Vocational Program or school. I am good at something. Discovering that has saved my sanity and my life.
Final Thought:
I struggle with everyday things that most adults take for granted. My advice to anyone who despairs of being an adult. Appreciate what you have, and cherish your responsibilities and your capabilities.
Don’t take adulthood for granted. Some of us would love to have your success and responsibilities. I’m sixty-four years old, and according to doctors, I should be in Assisted Living or an Institution.
I have trouble doing the basic things an adult should do, and there doesn’t seem to be a lot I can do about it. I will continue to face these challenges and do the best I can, but I’m tired of the drama.
Be patient, that’s the best we all can do.
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